Being Alone.

I don't Like being Alone, but we all are, we always are, It's the human condition, And for some people, it's never alleviated, Simply because there is no way to properly convey to someone Just what you mean. Simply because there are physical limits as to how close someone can actually be, Simply because our hearts don't beat in sync with the everyone else's.

It shouldn't, but this bothers me, this existential loneliness, and what helped me personally, I think was the realization that I wasn't the only one, I knew people who felt the same, I could talk to them about it, and for a while, that was enough, Perhaps it would still be, and I'm just selfish. Yeah, I'm just selfish.

But one day it wasn't enough the talking was reduced to at best, foreplay, and terrible foreplay at that, No, what I needed was touch, I needed physical contact, and I needed the person to understand.

I'll write more when I know How to say it.

Friends

How well Do you know your friends? How well do they know you? Sure, there's the person you present to the world, they probably know that person very well, The lies eventually backing themselves up With little effort on your part, But how well do they know the real you?

Have you ever wanted to kiss them, To feel their skin against yours?

Do they know?

This is Something I've been wondering about, how Important our friends Are, and how much friendships are actually based around Truth, I know personally that At times I won't reveal certain information. And for what, fear of ridicule? And it got me thinking, what's Important, Having A friend, Or the friend themselves, as a person, As someone you care about.

No more lies.

To my closest friends. you should suspect who you are.

Sometimes I just want to hold you, and kiss you, feel your skin, you're body, know you as I know Myself, I love you all, and my universe is better for you being in it. I wish we were closer, is that selfish? I hope not, And I hope I'm not alone in having these feelings.

Intrologue.

This blog is an attempt for me to collect as Many of my thoughts as I can, and maybe even arrange them into something coherent, It will Contain everything from my wants, However Carnal or not they may be. to my fears, My Successes, and the occasional setback, I don't expect you to Like or Agree with Anything I say, and To Accept it as far as it sides with your own experiences. Being right on blind faith is as bad as being wrong., and less likely.

So read if you like, and Comment back if you Do, We might become friends, we might get close.

Then Again, we might just move on from each other, as if we'd never met, and isn't that terrifying to consider...

I suppose I should give you some background story, So that everything I say has something akin to context.

Let's See, I'm 17, live with my Mother, brother, and Grandmother. I'm Physically a male, but it's Highly debatable, Mentally, I can be anything from Female Androgyne, To slightly-less-female-but-still-Androgyne. I'm Prone to feelings Which Upon Assessment were described as Depression, but the women who Assessed me Seemed to think the Gender "issue" was an Issue, So I wouldn't call it depression, Seeing as there isn't much Loathing of the self.

I think that's Important, You may not like your weight,your skin color, the fact that your Abused, or that you're Unhealthy, But I think that as long as you live by morals and ethics YOU personally Can believe in, it will be alright.

It took me a long time to realize that though, To become Comfortable with the fact my morals and ethics at best didn't match, and at worse could be seen as opposite to the morals and ethics of society. But I realised It doesn't Matter, I can justify my actions and handle their potential repercussions, and that's what Counts, That and the fact that they're mine, i own them.

I do Of course regress, On occasion, and this blog is an attempt to deal with that, as well.

Anyway, I strongly suspect I'm rambling right now, So I'll close it off here and repost tommorow, or more likely, later on tonight.

I love you.